I love Naija like mad, but some experiences can be a bit jarring.

Last week, I decided to finally face the music at the FRSC office in Surulere with regards to misplacing my temporary driver’s license. The solution was to get an affidavit from the court with a receipt and police report to back up my statement (serious long thing!). My previous experience with driving ticket was less dramatic thanks to speeding ticket lawyer (you can click site for reference).

At 2:30 pm the same day, I went to the Yaba court and explained the situation to greeters at the gate. A lady had me wait in the court room while she got my necessary documents. Forty minutes later, she came back with a typed up statement that required a stamp/seal from someone in the registrar’s office. She also told me to pay N200 for the typing efforts, N200 to get the document stamped, and N250 for the official cashier’s receipt. I believe the only cost incurred should have been N250. I told her I was only going to pay the official legal cost for the document. Thankfully, she did not make an issue out of it.

At the registrar’s office, I was immediately told to come back the next day by an abrasive lady. I was confused. According to her, once the cashier’s office is closed (2 pm), she stops working (her closing time is 4 pm). It was only 3:12 pm at this point. With irritation I left her office.

The next morning, I went to the Ikoyi federal court and got the necessary documents (I had to pay the typist additional N200; the whole thing cost N300).

Immediately went to the Police office behind Golden Gate in Ikoyi, this was where film tricks started happening.

From the entry way, I was already getting asked for gifts by the officers, when they noticed I was not the type to do such, they stopped. A lady sent me up to meet the D.P.O (deputy police officer) who then had someone get the report done for me.

It took the lady 1hr 36 minutes to write the report, luckily when she made a copy of the report and handed mine to me I immediately secured it in my bag. The lady then asked that I give something for her efforts, I offered her N200. She refused. She wanted N5,000. I seriously thought she was joking.

She went on to tell me that the paper and pen she used to write the report cost money and I had to pay her N5,000, so I asked for proof where it states that I owe her money and requested an invoice for documentation. She took offense to my request and asked that I return the report. I respectfully refused but tried to calmly reason with her. This only incited her and one of her colleagues who took even more offense to the situation.

Upon hearing the racket from colleague, the D.P.O came in and I thought someone with seniority would realize that they were demanding a bribe forcefully and have them stop it. To my shock, the D.P.O repeated the same rubbish to me; he wanted me to pay for the police report. When I asked to be given an invoice for the cost, he launched at me and tried to snatch my bag off me. All 3 of them tried to forcefully take the report off my person!

At this point, reasoning with them went out the window and using my popular last name became my savior. While latching on to my bag, I shouted,

“If any of you try to touch me or my bag, Fashola* will come and deal with you!!” “Just because I was trying to communicate with you like reasonable adults, you thought you could assault me.  Are you mad?!” Are you mad? What rubbish is going on here?!!”

As soon as I made my loud statements, they stepped away from me. The D.P.O was still heated and shouted

“Bring Fashola to this station and I will deal with him!” “I am the D.P.O, George is my name! Tell him to come and find me!”

Another colleague had to step in to pull him out.

The lady that initially demanded the N5,000 bribe stepped in and tried to calm me down. I was visibly shaking with anger at this point. Then she said these parting words to me

“Shebi it is because you do not want to pay us abi? Fashola sorry, please sorry, oya calm down and go”

I immediately left their office, drove to Surulere and got the wahala inducing driver’s license. They did not even read the useless police report that almost cost me more than I am willing to contemplate on.

I had heard a lot about many instances of police misconduct, but it had never happened to me before. This was an eye opener. I have experienced a lot of times where police try for the bribery angle, but I had never witnessed nor experienced this blatant disregard for the law and a human being.

Now I wonder how many other people they have done that with and gotten away with it with.

*Fashola -The Fashola they assumed I was referring to was the governor of Lagos State and currently a senator minister in Nigeria. My last name is Fashola, and I borrow pose the name whenever I find myself in such rubbish situations

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