Last of the three restaurants I visited, Orchid Bistro!
As I mention in my past couple of posts (355 Restaurant and Craft Gourmet), Lost In Lagos partnered with Mastercard for #MasterCardRestaurantWeek and I found the time to squeeze 3 restaurants to sample over the span of 2 weeks so here is the breakdown of the last one I visited (also my second visit).
Orchid Bistro
|58 Isaac John St, Ikeja, Lagos | Phone: 0812 584 8463
Reception/Signage –
When I got here, it took me a minute to find my bearings. First, it took me about 15 minutes of driving up and down Isaac John to find the restaurant.
Are they so notorious that they figured they did not need a sign indicating their location? Waste of gas and time.
The compound where the restaurant is located in also has a few other businesses within it, and of course, they had no signage indicating which one was the restaurant. It was not in an obvious location.
Luckily, a couple of gents chatting in the compound were helpful enough to lead me to the right door. By the time I got into the restaurant, I just wanted to sit down to a cup of cold water and lemon for a reset. I was greeted at the door and immediately seated, so that was a plus.
Ambiance –
The indoor setting of the restaurant was nothing really special. A pretty basic setup designed for a casual food hangout with friends and family. I visited here about 4 years ago, and the indoor design seems to not have upgraded since then. The place was a bit busy and seems popular amongst the working lunch crowd in the neighborhood, so I guess they have a “why fix it if it ain’t broke” mentality.
I went in for a solo lunch and as a big fan of reading, I immediately whipped out my iPad to continue reading a steamy romance novel on iBooks. About a minute into my read, a waiter approached me and told me that use of computing devices are not allowed in the restaurant and that the owner noticed me using my iPad and that was highly frowned upon. I legit thought he was playing a prank on me and had to look around to see if I was in some alternate reality B.S.
The waiter was serious, and according to he, the only available area for me to carry on with my activity was outdoor in the beautiful garden area with the flies buzzing around. They also have high chairs and table in the center of the restaurant for those with computers or tablets, and those just looked uncomfortable. I was ready to call it quits and call it a bust, which leads me to the next bit…
Customer Service –
Shockingly, I found myself walking like a zombie in a state of confusion to the garden area, and here’s why –
They have a fantastic manager here. Seriously, fan-freaking-tastic. I was legit irritated at this point and he heard the agitation in my voice when trying to figure out if the waiter was actually forreal about my use of iPad while waiting for them to attend to me. He quickly stepped into the conversation and spun some B.S. about the rules within their establishment and yada yada yada. I was still irritated and still thought (and think) the rule about iPads was/is B.S. , but was I impressed by the way he managed the situation.
He took over the ordering process for me, but we hit another snag along the way. I came in for their Mastercard lunch menu, and they did not have one. They were serving only a dinner menu for Mastercard Restaurant Week, and with the same aplomb in which he handled the earlier issue, he made it possible for me eat from the dinner menu instead. I appreciated that.
Food – it took 30+ minutes for the first plate to show up
the mosquitos were starting to feed on me, and I was starting to rethink why I stayed. Good thing I had my novel to keep my mind entertained.
Starter – Fresh garden salad
With the bowl of “chicken caesar salad” from 355 Restaurant in mind, I decided to sample Orchid Bistro’s salad for comparison, and they failed spectacularly. The plate was oddly plated and the “fresh” in the name, should be replaced with “soap flavored” garden salad. There was a soapy after taste coming from the greens, too much fluoride in the water or pesticide used in growing the plants maybe? It was terrible and drenching the food in dressing could not cover up the taste. 1/5.
Main course – Homemade Shepard’s (the spelling bothers me too – Shepherd’s) Pie with Sweetcorn
The manager recommended this and it was another let down. It had so much potential only to be foiled by the lack of seasoning and salt. I rarely find myself salting a plate of food in Nigeria, but I found myself pouring on the provided rock sea salt. That only made it easier to eat, and it did not save the dish. Another bummer 2/5
Dessert – Red Cherry Cheesecake with citrus coulis + Apple Crumble with Ice Cream and Chocolate Ganache (I got greedy and ordered both…was hoping for some redemption dish also)
The cheesecake could have taken the cake! Only to be foiled by a soggy bottom. Compared to Craft Gourmet’s flavorless, bite sized cheesecake, theirs had a good cheesecake consistency and taste, but the base of the cake seemed like it had been dipped in water before serving it to me. Any maker of cheesecake knows that you have to always first bake the buttered crumble base until it cools down all the way, before adding on the cheesecake batter. Rookie mistake turned what could have been a fledgling winner into an awkward to eat dish. 
With a brave face and stomach, I decided to spend some extra $$ by ordering a serving of Apple crumble. This dish is so easy to make that it is near impossible to make a muck of it. Wrong again.
I do not know what they served me, but what I ate was not an apple crumble. The should probably visit The Glass Knife cafe to understand what a good dessert means. The apples were not baked well and had a very chewy consistency. The crumble was like an odd tasting chewy chin chin. Nobody likes chewy chin chin not to talk of a misshapen apple crumble. It hurt my eyes to look at the food. The ice cream was not outstanding and the chocolate ganache had a good taste but a weird texture on my tongue.
I had a ginger-spritzer drink that was really tasty, but needed to be sieved. Not very easy to drink with the ginger pulp getting stuck to my tongue and teeth.
A combo score of 1.5/5
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